But most the time I have my senses about me and realize that they would probably kill me as soon as they figured out who I was rather than having any sort of gratitude toward me in the least.
Which absolutely makes sense. Allow me to explain.
One of my favorite quotes on writing sounds something like, "Figure out the worst possible thing that could happen to your main character--and then make it happen to them." Which for some authors has to do with physical torment, but for me means emotional torture that seems as though it is beyond all enduring--and indeed, it may be. I make young Prince Leo have to choose which of his brothers will be killed first. I force Theo into marrying (SPOILER ALERT) the bloodthirsty princess who merely wants the throne. I take two lovebirds like Livi and Agravaine and set them at odds so that they spend more time than not in anguish over the fact that they are always fighting.
But why? Is it merely because I am a masochistic mastermind who is taking out my frustration with the world and my life on these characters? Because I like seeing people suffer, even if they're only imaginary?
No. (Well, for some writers, perhaps, but not for me.) I make these things happen because in the beginning, the characters are not complete. Leo is spoiled and haughty. Theo is corrupt and sneaky. Livi is prim and quick to anger. But through their traumatic and sometimes horrible experiences, a change comes over them. None of them, coming out on the other side, would look back and say, "I'd rather none of that had happened."
(Except for maybe Theo, but he's an exceptional case.)
Still, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to meet one of them. To stand face to face with Leo and have him look me in the eye and ask, through gritted teeth, "Why? Why would you do that to me? Make me choose? Send me nightmares? Put me in the hands of evil men?"
He would ask it, of course, at the moment when things looked their darkest. Because he cannot see the future. He does not know how the story will end.
But I do. I have planned everything out from the beginning--knew the end before he was even taking baby steps, so to speak. And my time-frame is different than his. I can jump about, from the beginning to the end to the middle and back to each again, in ways that he never could. And because I know the end, I would be able to put my hand on his shoulder and look back into those tortured blue eyes and say, "It's okay. It's okay. They aren't going to die. You'll be alright. You even get a girlfriend out of it. Just be patient and trust me. I know what I'm doing."
--
How much more so is God the author of our lives? When things are the most turbulent and I can't possibly understand what's going on, sometimes I cry, "Lord, WHY?"
I can only imagine him shaking his head and smiling sadly and saying, "I'm so sorry, Dearheart, but you must persevere. And don't worry, my love--the ending is beyond your wildest dreams."
Even though I don't know what he's doing right now, I must simply choose to trust that his plan is best, that he has trials ahead for the purpose of developing my character (and the character of others), that he loves me more than I even love Theo, and that he knows the end and it is good.
Because God, unlike certain literary authors I could mention, has already decided on a happy ending.
